PURPOSE
This is a grammar course stressing the most common writing problems and some stylistic issues. Its focus is on traditional school grammar and it takes a prescriptive approach, but it makes some attempt to take note of current linguistic approaches in the Chomskyan tradition. The rationale for the course is that while most people can use the English language without understanding how it works, those who hope to write need to understand the tools of their trade, and those who will be helping others improve their English need to know what they are talking about.

TEXT
The basic text material for this course will be the current edition of Grammar Made Hard by your beloved instructor. Not available in your local bookstore, the various chapters of this tome will be provided to you free if I can raise the money to pay for copying. For those who would like a permanent reference book on the topic, I recommend Sidney Greenbaum's Oxford English Grammar. There is an on-line glossary of terms, which you might want to bookmark. The infamous MooWP has been retired, but a sample quiz for the first exam is available at LambdaMoo, directions to which are available below.

Chapter 1 online
Chapter 2 online
Chapter 3 online
Chapter 4 online
Chapter 5 online
Chapter 6 online

GRADING
Your grade will be based primarily on regular examinations--six of them if we include the final. These will be cumulative and of increasing importance. Your level of class participation can raise or (only in extreme cases) lower this grade..

MOO HELP
There is a sample quiz for the first examination available on an internet virtual environment, known as LambdaMoo. For information on the site and on ways to connect to it, see its Information Page. If you are feeling brave, you can just type or click on telnet://lambda.moo,mud.org:8888. [The 8888 is a port number.] If your computer doesn't think you have a telnet program or other terminal program, it may still have one hidden away, try hitting the START button, going to RUN, and typing telnet. If you get a telnet window, type telnet lambda.moo.mud.org 8888. If that doesn't work either, I'd give up, but if you are really determined you can download a moo client like SimpleMU (see below).
-- Once connected to Lambda, just connect as a guest by typing co guest. When you get that to work, type @join tag, this should land you in a virtual room where I have the sample quiz for the current exam stored. Type quiz exam and hit ENTER to take the quiz. If you take it again, it will ask different questions.
-- If you decide that you are likely to use the sample quizzes all semester, you might want to download a special client program like SimpleMu. This doesn't always play well with Vista, though, so hang on to its installation file, you may have to install it new each time you use it.
-- You can also @request a permanent character on Lambda--if you get one, let me know and I'll make it possible for you to start out in the room with the quizzes whenever you connect.

CANARY RULES: CLASSROOM NORMS, FALL 2009 EDITION

Late to Class (The Hula Rule): There are all sorts of good reasons for coming late to class, and it doesn't bother me if you do, so you might as well come and collect the participation point for attendance (if I happen to notice that you've arrived). The only penalty is the "hula rule." Under this rule, when students come more than 5 minutes late to class, those already seated may chant "Hula! Hula!"--a demand that the latecomer do the hula on the way to their seat. Well done hulas may earn additional participation points. If a student is more than 10 minutes late, the class chanting is mandatory, and if the class fails to chant loudly enough, no one gets attendance points for the day. Senior citizen offenders may substitute less vigorous dances for the hula--your beloved professor, for example, counts as a senior citizen.

Leaving Class Early: If you have to leave class early, I'll assume you have some good reason to do so. If you leave and return, I'll do the same. The possibility that you have been bored silly and needed a break will hardly ever cross my mind.

Drastic Changes in Appearance: I evidently tend to recognize people on the basis of hair; changes in hair color or persistent use of baseball caps are therefore not allowed, except when done for religious reasons or because you lost some kind of bet. If you do dye your hair a different color, bring in a note from your cosmetologist or roomie. If you do wear a baseball cap, try to wear the same one all semester. In fact, it would be preferable for you to wear the same clothes to every class, as well, washing them occasionally over the weekend for the sake of those who sit near you. Students wearing mini-skirts should sit in the back of the classroom, especially if male.

Make-Ups (The Grandparent Protection Act): Pop quizzes given during the semester are optional and cannot be made up. The mid-term exams can be made up, and you do not have to explain why you missed the exam. I will try to assume that you have a good reason, so don't feel the need to kill off a grandparent to justify an absence. If something terrible really did happen, and you want to talk about it, that's fine, but you don't have to. Some of your will take advantage of this rule, and that will annoy me, though there is no penalty for doing so. If there is a final examination, on the other hand, I give makeups for it only where there is some genuine emergency.

Critical Thinking Exercises (The OO-AH Rule, Keeping Score): UW-Parkside prides itself on teaching you critical thinking skills, perhaps as opposed to teaching you anything in particular, and you will certainly need them here. In this class, whenever I deliver a particularly pompous Great Thought, those seated at my right should say "OO!", to which those on my left should respond "AH!" In addition, when student I am teasing turns the tables particularly adroitly, class members should throw their arms in the air in the touchdown signal and yell "SCORE!" Those taking the initiative in this will earn valuable class participation points for themselves and the scorer. A quick example: Natalie showed up in one of my classes for the umpteenth time, and as a kindly old professor I greeted her by saying "What are you doing here, Natalie? Aren't you ever going to graduate?" Said Natalie, a shy girl who rarely spoke in class, "But I have so much more to learn from you, Professor Canary." Impressed, I said, "Well, it's always good to suck up to your professor." Natalie purred, "That's mainly what I've learned so far." Score. [Natalie went on to become a published author. I'm still here.]

Cell Phone Etiquette: Some of you have good reasons for needing to stay in contact by cell phone, so feel free to leave yours on during class and to answer calls. I'd prefer that any resulting conversations be conducted in the hall. If you must do your talking in the classroom, please put on the speaker phone, so that the rest of us can follow both parts of the conversation.

How to Address Your Instructor: I used to be uncomfortable with all possible terms of address: I sign my checks as "Robert H. Canary", but that seemed too formal, as did "Dr. Canary" and "Professor Canary," though I was (and am) both. "Mr. Canary" seemed too much like high school, and "Bob" or "Canary" seemed a bit familiar. I therefore discouraged my students from calling me anything at all. Now that I have reached a mellow old age, the rule is that you can call me anything you feel comfortable with or amused by calling me. Calling me something like "Bobbsy-Wobbsy", however, leaves me free to call you anything I like. I went on one cruise where the cabin steward amused himself by calling me "Sir Bob," no doubt in recognition of my knightly qualities; I rather liked it, but I didn't tip him extra for it, so it probably isn't worth emulating.

Talking in Class: I like to have a noisy classroom or at least a low murmur going on during classes, as it helps us all stay awake, so whispered comments to each other are not forbidden. Ideally, this will be confined to comments on the class material or my lecture--e.g., "Isn't Professor Canary brilliant?" Try not to be louder than I am (unless you are actually saying "Isn't Professor Canary brilliant?"--in which case you can be as loud as you like). If you laugh, I'm apt to call on you, but only because I like to be amused, too. If you do want me to hear what you say, as when asking a question, speak loudly--my hearing isn't that good at best. You may use your hands as a megaphone. Speak with exaggerated enunciation, as if to a small deaf child--us old people love that.

Policy on Food and Drink in the Classroom: I'm a Coke or Pepsi person myself. If you make a mess, clean it up. Remember to floss after every meal, preferably not in the classroom.